She holds the hand that holds her down...

It's amazing to me how much I have changed over the past year. I bought a knife yesterday and was as excited as I get when I buy shoes. It's just a plain knife, something that a true chef would scoff at, but it's light and fits my hand well. I have started to develop calluses and have all sorts of little nicks on my hand but since I can't feel them it doesn't really matter. Sometimes I like to cleave things.

Last year when I first started working in a kitchen I only used paring knives. The boys made fun of me and my penchant for baby knives, but I managed to get a lot done with them. Until one day when David made me use a "big girl" knife. And I liked it. It was big and I felt powerful and manly and finally like a real cook. And then I sliced off the end of my finger. I bleed like a hemophiliac for about 10 hours, which made me feel even more like a real cook.

I did a catering gig for my mom yesterday. I know that I should expect it by now, it's been twenty six years of this, but sometimes I forget how critical my mother can be. It wasn't until I pulled it off without a hitch and had all of her friends raving about what a fantastic job I had done that she let up and complimented me. I went from being basket case frantic to put together this amazing feat to completely satisfied in a matter of minutes. Did I mention, the day before the event she added three things to the menu and upped the ante from 100 to 200 people? And Owen had to leave before I could even get started with prep. I made 12 chickens and 200 cupcakes by myself! No wonderful I gloated a little, right?

This time last year, I never pictured that I would be doing this. Actually this time last year, I was kicking around Savannah, making life altering decisions. I'm in that EXACT same spot this year--making major life changes and such. Seems like this year the end result will be much more positive.

I guess that's the thing about your mid- twenties. Life keeps happening and you keep evolving not matter how much you don't think that you do. I guess that's the thing about life actually. It doesn't really matter how old you, you're going to always be in some state of flux.

My ebbs and flows have been monumental lately, but I think that in the long run I'm right where I need to be. For the first time in my life I'm planning for the future and I'm excited about it.