Come pick me up/ Take me out

Yesterday was the first day I have had that made me feel like maybe owning a restaurant was not the best decision. It just seemed like everything that could go wrong did-- from a leaking fridge that left me mopping up buckets of water throughout the course of the day to some random bugs stirred up by the window work to the window work to the patio... I had a laundry list of things that had me on the verge of a nervous breakdown or tears or both all day. I kept trying to be optimistic, but when all my friends came in to drink PBR and I was up to my elbows in ground beef for Hungarian stuffed cabbage it was all I could do to maintain my ever pert persona, because if anybody needed a drink it was me, dammit.

I think more than anything it is because I have no choice. I knew getting into this that for the first time in my life I couldn't just pick up and go wherever. Before I stayed here by choice, not obligation-- now there is no other option. I have to make this work. Jess told me that this would happen and she was right. I'm way too much of a free spirit for any real obligations. What was I thinking? Settling down and growing up-- that shit was never something I was gonna do; hence, my decision to not have kids or get married. But settle down and man up is what I have done. God help us all if on knitting night (starting in late September exclusively at the Darjeeling Cafe), I start making booties.

Having grown up in a family of entrepreneurs and having been in the restaurant business for my entire adult life, I had an inkling about what I was getting into. I knew it would be hard and take a lot of energy and time. I also knew that I have boundless energy when I am excited about things and I have plenty of time to devote to this now because the restaurant industry destroyed any similance of a social life that I had years ago. I knew all of these things, and yet, yesterday still put me at an unparalleled level of self doubt that I didn't know I could harbor.

And, then, in came the cavalry. CA rapped Tupac for me. The boys came in and drank a case of beer. JVP gave me a much needed shoulder rub. My stuffed cabbage recieved a glowing review from my Hungarian neighbor. Laurel showed up for work and told me to take the night off. Lola played a show that was tailor made for me. The president of JD Eiland came in and spent money and told me that he he would help me with whatever he could. I got drunk with his wife. Kelly and Jeff came in with a tow- headed four year old bearing honeysuckle. It was a balmy night and I had a bottle of cheap cava on the patio. Life was good.

There are going to be days where I could bang my head into a wall or throw things through my beautiful windows. Being the queen of epic mood swings, I know that these things are going to happen. But I have amazing people in my life who will always remind me that this was not the worst idea in the world. And as long as they keep coming in, this might, it just might, work.

Stuffed Cabbage- Toltott Kaposzta- serves 6-12
1/4 c. uncooked rice 1 lb. lean pork, ground 1/2 lb. lean beef, ground 2 garlic cloves, mashed 2 med. onions, chopped fine 1 egg 1 tablespoon salt 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2 tablespoons paprika 1 head fresh cabbage, deveined 2 lbs. sauerkraut 1/2 c. tomato juice
1/2 lb. smoked pork butt (sliced ham) 2 tablespoons lard [yum, lard] 2 tablespoons flour 1/2 c. sour cream
1. Cook the rice in 1/2 c. water for 10 mins. Drain.
2. Throughly mix the pork and beef with garlic, half the onion, the egg, salt, pepper, 1 tbsp paprika, and the rice. Put aside.
3. Core the cabbage and cook in enough water to cover for 10- 15 mins.
4. Take apart the cabbage, leaf by leaf.
5. Put the sauerkraut, tomato juice, and pork butt in a large pot with enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and then lower heat and cook for 10 mins.
6. Fill the cabbage leaves with the mixture and form rolls. (Not too tight because the stuffing will expand as it cooks).
7. Place the cabbage rolls in the sauerkraut and cook covered over very low hear for 1 hour.
8. Make a roux out of hot lard, flour, and the remaining onion, cooking for about 10 mins, until golden yellow. Stir in paprika and whip it up with 1 c. cold water.
9. Remove the cabbage rolls from the sauerkraut and add the roux. Bring to a boil. Put the cabbage back in and reheat for 15 mins.
10. Serve with sour cream.

This was the Hungarian recipe that I was given. I learned to cook the cabbage a lot longer than 10 mins. My recipe had a few variations, but kept within the general perameters of the recipe.
Enjoy.